I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
