Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
