Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
