If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
