anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
