is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
