Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
