chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
