Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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