I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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