So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
