You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
