NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the day after is always just damage control
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
