just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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