your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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