I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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