This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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