My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
