We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
