i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
