I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
