apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
