ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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