You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
