That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
