On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
