Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
