I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
