Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
