In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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