please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
