Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
