I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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