wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
