Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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