I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
