Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
