So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drake has all the answers
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
