Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk is not a location!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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