from now on my penis is your penis
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize