youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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