am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
