My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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