false alarm. still invincible.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
