Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
