I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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