R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck appropriateness.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
