I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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