Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
