I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
