i think my tv is drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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