there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.