Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
