remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
