Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
