I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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