Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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