The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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