Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
