She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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