got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
