Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
