i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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