Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
