Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
