think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
