so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
