i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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