I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
