i jhust puked up my retainher.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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