It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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