capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
