Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
