nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
