Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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