The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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