Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
