I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
