i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
