Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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