I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
