**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
