just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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