We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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