she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
