Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
