Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
