Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
