so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
