Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
