Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
