I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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