We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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