Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
